RIVERVIEW, NB – Sources have confirmed that local man Maurice Fitzroy will not earn enough to not pay taxes for this year despite his best efforts at trying to be wealthy enough to pursue t…
Local
Local activist raises awareness of crumbling infrastructure by getting crushed by chunk of city hall
Bilmington, MB- After years of activism, concerned citizen Wyatt DeVeers has finally drawn attention to the dilapidated structures plaguing the town after being flattened by a 400kg piece of town…
7 great meal ideas you can’t make because you forgot to defrost something
You’re an adult, and have resolved to live healthier and cook your meals at home. Congratulations! It’s all there in the freezer. Which is the problem, because you completely forgot to take somet…
Father’s wedding speech enters fourth day
OTTAWA – Running well over his time limit of 5 minutes, local father Bill Fernie’s speech has now entered its 96th hour at his son’s wedding reception. Fernie, 61, has not stopped his senti…
Local man fails to lose weight despite thinking about working out for over a week
RED DEER – Roger Monroe has reported being frustrated by his failure to lose weight despite following a strict regimen of imagining what it would be like to go to the gym a lot for a full 1…
Women crazy, says neurotic shambles of a man
TORONTO – Each and every single woman on the planet is crazy, according to research from Paul, a broken-down wreck of a human male. “Newsflash, uh, women are crazy,” said Paul, laughing far…
Vacation that was 90% eating best two weeks of couple’s relationship
BERMUDA – Reports late last night confirm that the two-week cruise taken by Calgary couple Kyle and Maria Thompson which consisted almost entirely of eating was “the best two weeks of our l…
Interracial couple so pleased you interrupted their dinner to call them beautiful
OTTAWA — Following a pleasant date night at their favourite local restaurant, interracial couple Scott Walters and Tara Miller wanted to say how delighted they are that you interrupted their dinn…
Report: Everyone else’s summer hopes and ambitions fulfilled except yours
SACKVILLE, NB – Early reports indicate that everybody on Earth had achieved all they wanted to do this summer. Well everyone except you. According to sources every single human alive had ma…
Man losing valiant struggle against burrito
CALGARY – Fighting the urge to just give up and walk away in shame, a local man is currently in the midst of a heroic – but losing – battle to finish the rest of his burrito. At…
