Guelph, ON – Ralph Schelling, mortgage broker and certified dunce, was overheard on a local patio expressing cautious optimism to a friend that things may finally be getting better. “I mean…
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Local Brown man begins job interview by denouncing all bad things ever
Markham, ON – While being interviewed for the position of manager at a Sport Chek, local Brown man Anuj Sanil began his interview by eloquently and systematically denouncing all bad things,…
Winnipeg voted best place to live at latitude 49.8951° N, longitude 97.1384° W
WINNIPEG – For the fourth year in a row Winnipeg has been voted as the best place to live at the co-ordinates of longitude 49.8951° N, latitude 97.1384° W. “We have come a long way since Wi…
Knitting needles join scrapbook paper on shelf of woman’s failed hobbies
Leduc, AB – After promising herself that knitting was going to be “her thing”, Sharon Allan’s knitting needles are now collecting dust on the shelf storing her scrapbook materials, woodwork…
Report: Basement apartment good enough
MONTREAL – Local graduate student, Emil Stanley, has confirmed that his recently leased basement apartment in the Outremont neighbourhood isn’t perfect but at least “good enough”, a sentiment sha…
Millennial villagers prefer to pelt Lottery winners with avocado stones
THE VILLAGE – A conflict is brewing between Baby Boomers who insist on using the customary rocks and Millennial villagers who want to shift to murdering Lottery winners with organic avocado…
Local man forgets wife’s birthday because of Antifa
PICKERING, ON – In the latest case of collateral damage by the volatile far Left, Pickering native Neil Davidson completely forgot his wife Laura’s 36th birthday this week, due to the vigil…
Self described “bon vivant” currently vomiting in children’s park
MONTREAL – After what was surely a rousing evening of eating, drinking, and celebrating, local man and self identifying bon vivant Kennedy Allen is currently throwing up in the sandbox of a…
New brunch place caters exclusively to screaming infants
Vancouver – A new east side restaurant focusing on brunch staples caters exclusively to screaming, crying babies. “Every time I went to a brunch place there were at least 5 patrons under 1,…
“Do whatever you want”: Local mom “doesn’t care”
Your House – Sources in your household are reporting this morning that “you can do whatever you want”, because your mom “doesn’t even care anymore.” The development comes after your 3am ret…
