LANESBORO, MN – Residents of a tiny American township were mildly confused last week when Professor Mastermind, a prolific supervillain famous for his use of mind control, announced that he…
Lifestyle
Guests furious hotels will no longer be giving out little bottles filled with terrible products no one uses
VANCOUVER – Citing environmental concerns, several major hotel chains are switching from small bottles filled with cheap personal hygiene products to large, built-in dispensers and many gue…
Woman killed by monster after realizing running is worse than death
TORONTO – Following a terrifying appearance of a werewolf in Toronto’s High Park, 33-year-old accountant Felicia Delmont was savagely ripped to pieces due to her complete and utter refusal to eng…
Hacked psychic website compromises millions of users’ tarot card information
TORONTO – In what appears to be the largest data leak of its kind, popular psychic website ‘tomorrow-truth-today.ca’ has been hacked, leaving millions of users’ tarot card info exposed. “I’…
Two weeks into diet, popcorn ceiling looking a little too delicious
RICHMOND HILL, ON – After a shaky start to her new year’s resolutions, a local woman’s diet progress collapsed when her popcorn ceiling started to look devilishly tempting. Helena Miller re…
Makeup-free woman actually is pretty tired, thank you for noticing
TORONTO – Felicity McMurray, 33, was overwhelmed with gratitude on Monday after she accidentally left the house without makeup and received constant concerned observations about how utterly…
Addict says she can stop bullet journaling anytime
RICHMOND HILL, ON – This past Monday, frantic university student Hanna Bambas reiterated to a group of concerned peers that she does not have a problem and can stop bullet journaling anytim…
New fitness trend: Making it out of a forest alive
HUNTSVILLE, ON – In the midst of ‘high intensity’ workout trends, there’s a new fitness program that aims to get people out into nature and hitting their fitness targets. “Survival Paleo” …
Woman always on vacation in your Instagram feed actually cocaine smuggler
PLAYA DEL CARMEN, MEXICO – After taking a series selfies in a tropical beach paradise, the gorgeous woman in your Instagram feed who always seems to be on vacation loaded a boat full of coc…
Toronto’s hottest rooftop patio is already at capacity, sorry
Toronto’s newest, hottest, and most exclusive rooftop patio is Queue. Located on the rooftop of a now defunct travel agency, Queue offers a post-industrial boho chic vibe with the standard 80 ite…
