CANADA ― In an unforeseen turn of events, anti-vaxxers across Canada suddenly announced their willingness to take a Covid shot today, after realizing that lollipops would be available afterward. …
Health
Metastatic cancer worried people will start associating it with Facebook
MENLO PARK, CA – Following the announcement that the corporation which owns Facebook, Instagram and Oculus has changed its name to Meta Platforms, Inc., the process which results in cancero…
Alberta demands ‘have-not’ provinces carry their share of its ICU patients
EDMONTON – As Alberta’s COVID hospitalisations hit a record high, Premier Jason Kenney has decried other provinces for not shouldering their fair share of the ICU load. “This is a ‘have’ provinc…
Horse girl becomes horse dewormer girl
PRINCE ALBERT, SK – 25-year-old mother of two Rebekkah McElroy, once crowned “Lil Miss Horse Princess” in the 2002 Saskatchewan Harvest Fall Festival, has adopted a strict daily regimen of …
Following emergency lockdown, Jason Kenney announces impromptu apology Stampede
EDMONTON – Following the announcement of strict new measures to combat the out of control spread of COVID-19, Premier Jason Kenney announced he will make it up to Albertans by holding a sur…
FDA tells American horses to stop taking COVID vaccinations for worm infestations
Silver Spring, MD – The United States Food and Drug Administration has asked American horses to stop taking COVID vaccines to treat their worm infestations. “There is no evidence that COVID…
Nostalgic win! This man banged pots for healthcare workers instead of yelling at them
Self-described “nostalgia junkie” Alex Kaur recently turned back the clock when he decided to bang pots in celebration of healthcare workers instead of angrily protesting them. “Every…
Protesters outside of hospital apparently unaware of where laws are made
CALGARY – According to eyewitnesses, a group of anti-vaccine mandate protestors outside of the Foothills Medical Centre appear thoroughly confused as to where or even how Canada passes laws…
Conspiracy confirmed: doctors made “vaccine deal” with government in order to save your life
OTTAWA – A conspiracy theory surrounding a secret vaccine oath between Canadian doctors and the government has been confirmed, revealing medical professionals are pushing vaccinations in or…
Scotiabank purchases naming rights on all future Canadian variants of coronavirus
TORONTO – In light of news that the World Health Organization would be renaming key variants of COVID-19, Scotiabank has announced plans to bid on the naming rights of all future coronaviru…
