KINGSTON, ON – Local fitness enthusiast Rebecca Lee is currently on her third lap around the gym, hoping against hope she’ll find a place to do glute bridges without an audience. “I’m not s…
Health
Friend who insists people shouldn’t use soap smells like shit
VANCOUVER – Local friend and long-board enthusiast Zach Guentzel is on a mission to raise awareness that soap and other personal hygiene products are but ruses invented by Big Business to t…
Ontario retirees loitering in Shoppers parking lot hassling teens for free prescription drugs
Brampton, ON — Since the Ontario Liberals’ announced a plan to make prescription drugs free for youth under 25, retirees have been spotted swarming Shoppers Drug Mart parking lots looking f…
Hottest Spring Trend: Getting sick right before you have an event you can’t get out of
NEW YORK – This just in, spring’s hottest trend has nothing to do with bomber jackets or skinny jeans and everything to do with your immune system. Famous trend forecaster Jil Whitman has o…
Study: Drop in world life expectancy attributable to rising obesity, Gorthax the Hypergalactic Space Cannibal
FREDERICTON – A ground-breaking study out of UNB has concluded that recent reductions in world life expectancy is caused equally by rising obesity rates and the recent invasion of the planet by G…
Man researching meditation really going through something right now
VANCOUVER – The growing obsession of local man, Jeremy Moore surrounding meditation and mindfulness has prompted many to believe that he’s seriously stressed the fuck out. “I knew something…
BEAUTY SECRET: The number one trick to ridding cellulite – remove legs!
Wow! An exciting scientific breakthrough has proven the definitive way for banishing cellulite forever, and it’s just so simple you’ll be like, why didn’t I think of that! Remove legs! Participan…
BREAKING: Elite squad of super pharmacists fills prescription in just 90 minutes
COBOURG, ON – Reports have emerged that an elite team of the country’s finest pharmacists have somehow managed to fill a customer’s prescription after a wait of only an hour and a half. “It…
Doctors: cutting out caffeine offers great benefits to superiority complex
A recent meta-analysis of studies related to caffeine has led doctors to conclude that giving up caffeine can provide a healthy boost to a weakening superiority complex. However, the correlation …
Winnipeg’s ERs now requiring patients to bring their own beds
WINNIPEG – Those seeking treatment at Winnipeg’s ERs will now be required to bring their own hospital beds as a part of a new strategy to reduce wait times. Officials from the Winnipeg Regi…
