EDMONTON — Mothers from all across Canada have banded together to form an extra-legal armed posse with the sole aim of making sure you get a doctor to check out that nasty cough. Meeting at…
Health
Men scramble to find a personality after CDC suggests shaving beard to stop coronavirus
ATLANTA, GA – A 2017 infographic issued by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention re-emerged this week with facial hair grooming tips in light of the coronavirus outbreak, leaving m…
Mike Pence introduces program to cure coronavirus carriers with conversion therapy
WASHINGTON D.C. – In his first hours leading the U.S. response to the COVID-19 pandemic, Mike Pence announced a bold program of conversion therapy to convince infected Americans they don’t …
Cruise lines now offer deluxe coronavirus upgrade over basic norovirus package
SANTA CLARITA, CA – Cruise companies across the world have begun offering passengers a choice between the default norovirus infection typically received aboard ship and an upgrade to a higher-end…
Analysis: Are quarantined passengers adequately protected from Cornwall?
CORNWALL, ON – Passengers repatriated from the Diamond Princess cruise ship arrived in Cornwall this morning, though many experts worry that the quarantined passengers are not being properl…
“Couldn’t they have called the coronavirus something else?” asks local man named Covid-19
CALGARY – The international community now has a name for the coronavirus that’s killed over a thousand people and sickened tens of thousands more, Covid-19, and a local man with the same na…
Local man glad he hung onto cough mask from SARS outbreak
TORONTO – As the danger from Coronavirus increases daily, Keith Dellware is reportedly congratulating himself on his foresight and frugality by holding on to the same cough mask he wore dur…
Comments section quarantined for outbreak of coronavirus-related racism
TORONTO – Thousands of Facebook users have been quarantined by the Public Health Agency of Canada after a significant outbreak of novel coronavirus-related bigotry on a CBC News comments th…
Mum just calling to check you don’t have coronavirus
Oakville, ON — While she’s sure you’d be in touch if anything was wrong, your mum just called to check you don’t have coronavirus. “I’ve heard it’s been going around and I wanted to be sure,” she…
