CALGARY – For the past six months, resident know-it-all and general dud, Brian Thomson has forced every exhausting detail of his new keto diet on his innocent co-workers, friends, and famil…
Health
Medical resident who hasn’t slept in 36 hours wonders which patient he left his keys in
TORONTO – A sleep deprived medical resident finishing his required 36-hour shift has forgotten which patient he left his keys in. “Ah shit, not again,” Dr. Tate Williamson, rummaging throug…
Woman announces rebrand of crippling depression naps to sad time siestas
HAMILTON, ON – In an effort to escape the exhaustive emotional weight and mental strain of her current life Emilia Ruthen is taking charge like a #bossbabe and rebranding her 2-17 hour depression…
Juul unveils wrongful-death-lawsuit flavoured pods
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Following this past week’s announcement that Juul Labs would be discontinuing their top-selling mint e-cigarette pods, the company has revealed its plans to release wron…
Dental hygienist slides into patient’s DMs to ask if he’s flossing
CORNER BROOK, NL – Local resident Irving O’Grady received a direct message from his dental hygienist on Instagram late yesterday evening asking to verify if he was maintaining a twice…
Health Canada warns that vaping fuckin’ sick
OTTAWA – Following several reports of vaping-related illnesses and deaths across North America, Health Canada has issued a strongly worded warning aimed at young people, informing them that…
Impacted molar can’t wait to prove smug “Canadian healthcare” retort wrong
LINDSAY, ON – Mere moments after local tooth owner James McKenzie confidently bragged to an American friend over the phone about the quality of Canadian healthcare, his impacted upper right…
Vaping industry responds to deaths by rebranding their product as ‘life cessation devices’
NEW YORK – With the sixth vaping-related death reported in the United States and hundreds more hospitalized, the e-cigarette industry has responded to public health concerns by rebranding t…
Insurance industry warns that single-payer pharmacare could reduce their access to our money
OTTAWA – Following the recommendation of an expert panel that Canada switch to a universal pharmacare plan, the insurance industry is cautioning such a move would create a drastic reduction…
Zombie therapist wants patients to know that they can’t keep running from their problems
TORONTO – Licensed therapist and recently alive man Dr. Mark Conway wishes everyone would understand that simply fleeing from their problems is unhelpful, unhealthy, and frankly, a little s…
