TORONTO – Jason “Smooth J” Carruthers, DJ for “The Flex” on 98.1, has spent the weekend beefing up security measures in preparation for another week of non-stop Christmas music. “In the sec…
Culture
Crown Royal voted world’s best whisky to mix with ginger ale
Gimli, MB — Canadian rye maker Crown Royal was honoured with the designation of “Best Whiskey for Ginger Ale 2015” by the world’s leading leading ginger ale connoisseurs. “When added to any…
Best experience of theatre student’s life gets two stars
VANCOUVER – Despite receiving universally lukewarm reviews, 19-year old theatre major Kristen Stolley has declared her 5-show run on UBC Follies Rent to be the best thing that has ever happ…
Retailers across Canada brace for Hanukkah rush
CANADA – As November nears its conclusion, stores both big and small across the nation have begun preparing for the massive Hanukkah crowds. “Oh yes, it’s far and away the busiest time of t…
Oxford Dictionaries finally appealing to illiterate audiences
Oxford, UK — Oxford University Press, the publisher of the Oxford English Dictionaries, has announced it will be replacing all words with ideograms and smileys to make the massive, descript…
New Star Trek series vows to disappoint old and new fans alike
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After this Monday’s announcement that CBS would be producing a new series of the popular franchise Star Trek, executives are now allaying worries that the new program …
Daniel Craig loses Bond role after his new tan deemed “too dark”
LOS ANGELES – The author of the latest Bond novel has called for Daniel Craig to be fired after arriving to the Spectre premiere with a tan he believes is “too dark” to properly represent the cha…
Man born with giant paper-maché head ready for another Halloween
SURREY, BC — After a year of self-imposed exile, Daniel Gauthier, a man with a strange and rare genetic condition, plans to emerge from his home. Every October 31st, Gauthier, who was born …
Erotic novel really overestimates appeal of euphemism ‘porking’
CALGARY – Critics of Marie Montgomery’s latest erotic novel, Angela’s Awakening, have unanimously agreed that the book suffers from an overuse of the verb “porking” to describe the act of m…
Dozens of Disney employees set free during latest release from the Vault
BURBANK, CA – More than 40 Disney employees who had been declared missing since Feb. 10. were discovered today during the Diamond Edition re-release of Aladdin, having been trapped in the D…
