TORONTO – Toronto resident Peter Behrendt was in for a completely predictable surprise this Sunday when he, for the 11th year in a row, bought a litre of eggnog, had a sip, and then immediately s…
Culture
Sony Records releases Favorite Family Fights of the Holidays CD
NEW YORK — Just in time for the Holidays, Sony Records has released a special edition, limited time offer CD set of your Favorite Family Fights of the Holidays. With over 100 fights to list…
Pine tree sacrificed to Christian gods
CHRISTENDOM – As part of a millennia long religious practice, pine trees around the globe have been murdered and offered as sacrifice to please the three Christian Gods and their prophet, …
‘CBC and Chill’ fails to catch on with Canadian youth
TORONTO – An attempt by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation to capitalize on the modern hook-up practice of ‘Netflix and Chill’ has ended in abject failure after would be lovers reported …
New show on History reveals the past when network had shows about history
CALGARY — A new television program airing on History tonight will explore the not-so-distant past when the network had actual shows that examined the events that shaped the future. The show…
Xbox Live player finally admits he didn’t fuck your mother
OSHAWA, ON — In an unexpected turn of events, Xbox Live user 420weedL0rd has admitted that he did not fuck your mother, despite earlier claims of having done so. Nearly three months after “…
Neil Peart to retire in three months after completion of current drum solo
TORONTO – Famed drummer Neil Peart has stunned the music world by announcing that he is set to retire in approximately three months, just as soon as he finishes his current drum solo. Peart, a fo…
Radio DJ ensures gun loaded, door barred before starting another week of Christmas music
TORONTO – Jason “Smooth J” Carruthers, DJ for “The Flex” on 98.1, has spent the weekend beefing up security measures in preparation for another week of non-stop Christmas music. “In the sec…
Crown Royal voted world’s best whisky to mix with ginger ale
Gimli, MB — Canadian rye maker Crown Royal was honoured with the designation of “Best Whiskey for Ginger Ale 2015” by the world’s leading leading ginger ale connoisseurs. “When added to any…
Best experience of theatre student’s life gets two stars
VANCOUVER – Despite receiving universally lukewarm reviews, 19-year old theatre major Kristen Stolley has declared her 5-show run on UBC Follies Rent to be the best thing that has ever happ…
