HALIFAX – This morning, local man, Robert Murray was shocked to discover he had mistakenly neglected to watch Hollywood’s biggest event last night because, fuck it. “Oh, I guess I did”, remarked …
Culture
UPDATE: Academy releases complete list of revised Oscar winners
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Responding to last night’s now infamous Oscar Best Picture mix up, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has gone through their past records overnight and released…
“Regular Al” Yankovic writes yet another normal hit
A SENSIBLE DISTANCE FROM HOLLYWOOD – The latest song from universally-acknowledged recording artist “Regular Al” Yankovic has middled out at a respectable 23 on the Billboard music ch…
Simon & Schuster, CPAC sever ties with Milo Yiannopoulos after finally googling him for first time ever
NEW YORK – Notorious Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos has lost business deals with Simon & Schuster and the Conservative Political Action Conference after both finally bothered to res…
All-white, all-male reboot of “Hidden Figures” in the works
LOS ANGELES – Production has begun on an all white, male reboot of the hit 2016 movie Hidden Figures. The movie, titled simply, Figures, will tell the story of three caucasian men who don’t…
Ben Affleck to play Mao Zedong in upcoming biopic
In exciting news for fans of Ben Affleck, he has been tapped to play Mao Zedong, founder of the People’s Republic of China, in an upcoming biopic. “I couldn’t be more excited…
Thing happens that we do not understand even remotely
THE INTERNET, PROBABLY – Swedish YouTube celebrity PewDiePie was disavowed by Disney and YouTube over anti-Semitic viral video content this week, in a story that we can not even begin to pr…
Liberals to let teenagers smoke weed, as long as they do it with their parents
“We should go swimming.” Final episode of The Beaverton Season One airs tonight, 10pm (et) on Comedy Network.…
Arby’s responds to KFC’s Valentines Fried Chicken Bouquet with Roast Beef Lingerie
ATLANTA – Refusing to be deterred by competitor KFC’s Fried Chicken Bouquet, Arby’s is celebrating Valentine’s Day with the introduction of 100% edible Roast Beef Lingerie. “When our custom…
Liam Neeson kills 8 in method acting rampage
VANCOUVER – 8 people lost their lives when esteemed actor Liam Neeson went on a method acting rampage while filming Taken 4. The incident began shortly after production wrapped for the day …
