HOLLYWOOD – At the world premiere of Marvel’s Spider-Man: Homecoming, fans of the franchise were treated to a new Spider-Man story, in which Uncle Ben dies a number of times in many differe…
Culture
Peter Mansbridge lands lead anchor on Naked News
TORONTO – After retiring from the CBC’s flagship broadcast news program, The National, journalist and Canadian icon Peter Mansbridge has taken a new job as lead nude anchor on the Toronto-b…
Low-grade depression is summer’s hottest accessory
NEW YORK- Style forecasters and trendsetters alike are thrilled to announce low grade depression is the trend of the summer. Hot off cubicles of that 9-to-5 desk job that you took just for the wi…
Commitment-phobic boyfriend manages to binge watch all 12 seasons of ‘Bones’
EDMONTON – Chad Sandford stunned his on-again, off-again girlfriend of 5 years, Karen McClinton, when he managed to binge watch all 12 seasons of the TV show Bones. McClinton was initially suspic…
Caveman artist enters mammoth period
Chauvet Cave, FRANCE – The Cave art scene was abuzz this week with news that local cave art star Drog has officially dropped horses and entered his Mammoth period. “Drog draw mammoth …
Old racist thinks racist kids have it too easy these days
Chatham, ON – Local pharmacist and long-time white supremacist Alex Robichaud has had it with the Southern Ontario alt-right community, declaring that young racists today have it “way too easy”. …
Local dog spends weekend on couch binge-licking
KAMLOOPS – This past weekend saw Barkley, a Chocolate Labrador, spend nearly all of his waking hours on the couch, seemingly unable to stop cleaning his genitals with his tongue. The binge …
Portraits Of Canadiocity: Sarah Polley
Sarah Polley: The saddest Canadian?…
Property Brothers can’t repair relationship with Property Dad
TORONTO – With numerous television seasons and countless home sales under their belts, ‘Property Brothers Jonathan and Drew Scott should be on top of the world. However, there is one major …
Unpatriotic man finds Tragically Hip just ‘all right’
NAPANEE, ON – Local man and traitor of Canada Rory Emery was overheard stating his rather unenthusiastic support for the nation’s band, The Tragically Hip. Emery, 31, made the seditious cla…
