TORONTO — After a scathing diss track by rapper Pusha T unearthed texts from Drake to a secret lover telling her to abort their child, Drake has amended a popular lyric from his hit song “G…
Culture
Samantha Bee apologizes for calling shitbag a cunt
NEW YORK CITY – Comedian Samantha Bee and TBS have issued an apology for calling noted shitbag Ivanka Trump a “feckless cunt” during a segment of “Full Frontal with Samantha Bee” about the …
Haunted Crater music festival announces 2018 lineup and investigation into fate of 2017 lineup
Peterborough, ON — Organizers for the Haunted Crater music festival have announced their headline acts for 2018, and a crack team of paranormal investigators to uncover what happened to last year…
BREAKING: Roseanne hired as White House press secretary
WASHINGTON D.C. — After her rebooted sitcom was cancelled by ABC following the star’s racist tweets, actress Roseanne Barr has been hired as press secretary for the Trump White House. The t…
World War II ruined! Battlefield V poster features woman soldier
LOS ANGELES – In a shockingly disrespectful display of tone-deaf pandering, video game studio DICE ruined World War II yesterday by placing a woman on the poster of the latest Battlefield v…
New Drake album mostly just songs about how he’s never won anything in Roll Up The Rim
TORONTO, ON – While details of rapper Drake’s new album “Scorpion” have been kept secretive to fans and media alike, some news about the album expected to be released in June 2018 surfaced …
New Jordan Peterson book asserts all dogs are boys and all cats are girls
TORONTO – Former University of Toronto Professor Jordan Peterson, known best for lionizing patriarchal structure, denouncing the existence of white privilege, and refusing to use gender neu…
Friends beginning to suspect Dave’s ironic moustache actually sincere
VANCOUVER – In what has become a developing story, Dave Parson’s friends and family have slowly come to the realization that his self-described ironic moustache may, in fact, be completely sincer…
Men everywhere finally given excuse to brag about oral sex skills on social media
MIAMI – After DJ Khaled’s 2015 comments resurfaced on social media, straight men everywhere took to their keyboards to finally tell the world how much they like going down on women. DJ Khal…
Opera house phantom resigns amid allegation of sexual misconduct
PARIS – Amid serious allegations including stalking and sexual harassment, the once beloved disfigured singer, known simply as The Phantom, has stepped down from his role as the mysterious …
