LOS ANGELES – Jennifer Aniston, radiant as ever at fifty, revealed that the secret to her perfect, wrinkle-free skin is a regular exfoliation routine, a daily meditation practice, and a gho…
Culture
Are hedgehogs getting sexier? Hollywood says yes
Move over, Bambi’s mom. Hollywood’s animated creature kingdom just got hotter. Following widespread outcry over the unalluring appearance of Sonic the Hedgehog in the first trailer for his new fi…
Poster for local comedy show just headshots of 12 people that aren’t famous
TORONTO – This month, residents have taken notice of a poster advertising a local comedy show that has appeared to litter the downtown core. The poster itself has raised more questions than…
Designated driver drunk on power
Phelpston, ON – After an hour at Gabe Newton’s 23rd Birthday Bash designated driver Mark Lougheed, drunk on power, has decreed that he is ready to leave and has decided that all those he br…
Meet Tilda Swinton’s sister, Close Bracket Swinton
DUNS, SCOTLAND – After years of living in her sister’s shadow, Tilda Swinton’s younger sister, Close Bracket Swinton, is ready to take the acting world by storm by producing, directing and …
Local man convinces self he’s having good time at back of concert
TORONTO – A local man standing alone at the back of a rap concert at the Rebel Entertainment Complex assures himself that he is having a good time, maybe even better than those at the front. “Hon…
“I’m a musician too,” adds q’s Tom Power for the 500th time
TORONTO – CBC Radio host Tom Power has reminded his guest and listeners that he’s also a musician for the 500th time since taking the helm of q. Power mentioned this fact unprompted during …
Local woman joins cult to get out of choosing a new outfit every day
THUNDER BAY, ON – Last week, Marie Wilson announced that she was leaving modern society behind forever in order to join a Satanic cult, a decision based entirely on her being fed up with ha…
Ellen DeGeneres and George W. Bush bravely find common ground as rich white people
DALLAS, TX – Comedian and LGBTQ+ icon Ellen DeGeneres was seen with former President George W. Bush at a football game this past weekend. Following the backlash, DeGeneres responded by brav…
Top 5 Halloween costumes that are just the Joker you unimaginative white man
As the Halloween season approaches many people spend weeks looking for imaginative, unexpected costumes. Others do not. Beavefeed is here for all those white men who will watch Joaquin Phoenix’s …
