REGINA – After consuming a large Diet Coke during the commercials, trivia game and previews local man Desmond Mathune spent the entirety of his two hour movie watching experience thinking a…
Culture
Mothers Against Head Crushing boycott impending Kids in the Hall revival
TORONTO – Canadian comedy troupe The Kids in the Hall are returning to the small screen for an 8 episode revival on Amazon Prime Video. The news of the show’s reboot elicited a heated boyco…
Office Star Wars Guy upset about his space bullshit again
CALGARY – A new report from HR suggests that Brian from accounting, whose only prevailing personality trait is a lifelong obsession with Star Wars, is once again pissed about his space bull…
Postmedia columnists take a break from dehumanizing drug users to humanize Jordan Peterson’s drug problem
TORONTO – Postmedia columnists have taken time out of their busy days of condemning safe consumption sites and the “dangerous people” who use them to address Jordan Peterson’s addiction to …
Resilient 11-year-old Ugg boots survive annual closet purge
LONDON, ONT – In a stunning feat of perseverance, an ageing, tattered pair of camel coloured Ugg boots have managed to survive yet another year in their owner’s annual closet purge. “I just can’t…
Timothee Chalamet will now play every human on earth by 2023
LOS ANGELES – Following his successful portrayal of Henry V in The King and the announcement that he will be playing Bob Dylan in an upcoming biopic, Timothee Chalamet has announced that he…
Nation’s serial killers offended by how sexualized they are in film and television
LONDON, ON – Recently, several of the nation’s most prolific serial killers have come forward to protest the way they are over-sexualized in the media. “It seems people would rather d…
“There’s no money in the arts,” scoffs man who just paid $1,000 for Hamilton tickets
TORONTO – Jon Hudson, a financial district lawyer, was overheard yesterday at a restaurant commenting on how the arts weren’t a worthwhile pursuit because they weren’t profitable. He quickly foll…
Nation’s boyfriends begrudgingly moved by Little Women
TORONTO – Several weeks after Greta Gerwig’s 2019 adaptation of Little Women was released, thousands of boyfriends nation-wide confessed to being moved emotionally and spiritually by the fi…
5 TV shows you should watch before we all die
With global warming leaving most of the world on fire, the US trying to start World War III, and vapes giving us all popcorn lung, there is only one thing to take comfort in – it will all b…
