TORONTO – In a press conference unveiling the next step in their famous annual giveaway, Tim Horton’s has announced they will be officially changing the contest from Roll Up The Rim to Russ…
Business
Bombardier ask for another $3.7 billion to study the effects of government money going through a jet engine
MONTREAL – Executives at Bombardier Inc. have asked the federal and provincial governments for another $3.7 billion in government grants and subsidies for a special research project whereby…
Feminist win! Girl boss lays off thousands
WATERLOO, ON – CEO and HBIC of Sqork Media, Cheryl Hawkins recently laid off thousands of employees in a broader attempt to cut down costs. In a statement to the press, Hawkins said, “Thoug…
Bell CEO’s mental health dramatically improves after millions of dollars of free advertising
TORONTO – Bell Canada Enterprises CEO Mirko Bibic’s mental health improved substantially after seeing the millions of dollars generated from #BellLetsTalk, a free advertising campaign…
No
For the love of God, no.…
Screaming child becomes official mascot of Costco
ISSAQUAH, WA – Wholesale retailer Costco has unveiled the screaming child as the mascot for all of its stores. After extensive research, a child having a catastrophic meltdown without cause…
Corporate Santa gives children annual performance reports
TORONTO – Millions of children across the globe woke up early to open their annual Christmas performance reports from Corporate Santa. Anxious youngsters, both naughty and nice, were judged…
Vibranium stocks tumble as U.S. raises tariffs on Wakanda
NEW YORK – Vibranium stocks and vibranium-rich mutual funds took a nosedive this morning as the United States announced a new series of tariffs on the tiny East African nation of Wakanda. T…
Office holiday party finally gives co-workers chance to spend more time together
Markham, ON – a local office’s annual holiday party has given employees exactly what they’ve always wanted: the chance to spend more time surrounded by their co-workers. “Oh man finally,” s…
Phone companies required to block scams except scams by phone companies called ‘deals’
TORONTO – Canada’s telecommunication providers are now required to have systems that prevent scammers from contacting and fleecing their clients unless it’s done by the phone company. Accor…
