WHITBY — A delighted local pumpkin has expressed mounting excitement about getting to see his first Jack-o-Lantern this Halloween. “From the minute they [the Henderson family, the pumpkin’s purch…
Reporters worried nation of Vimy Ridge, Kandahar has lost its innocence
OTTAWA – According to numerous international columnists, the recent murder of soldier Nathan Cirillo and the subsequent shootout in Parliament have caused the nation of Canada, which has fo…
Satan rejects endorsements from shitty metal bands
Hell via Des Moines, Iowa – Earlier today, Satan, the Lord of Darkness, officially rejected endorsements from “shitty” metal bands, who constantly praise Him in their lyrics. Th…
Kilometres wide power outage in downtown Calgary affects dozens
CALGARY – An electrical fire in the power grid plunged dozens of blocks in the heart of Calgary into total darkness over the weekend, causing significant inconvenience and uncertainty for t…
Dog suspiciously upbeat at owner’s funeral
BARRIE- Friends and family of recently deceased Toronto resident Alan March have reported that his pet labrador retriever Buddy seemed strangely cheerful at March’s funeral two days ago. “I expec…
White cop shoots black cop, claims victim was armed
KANSAS CITY – In yet another example of police violence against young black males, K.C. Police Officer Rodney Winthrop shot and killed 28 year old African American Jimmy Sinclair on Sunday …
Montreal Canadiens: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Montreal Canadiens Mascot: Two. First, Youppi the former Expo mascot, purchased back from the new american owners of the MLB team, that allows fans to recall the glory days when the city wa…
Calgary Flames: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Calgary Flames Mascot: That kid from the Scotiabank commercial with Jarome Iginla 2013-14 Season: Fans rejoiced as the team that was supposed to be the worst in the NHL finished a respectab…
Ottawa Senators: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Ottawa Senators Mascot: A Carleton University student wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs hoodie 2013-2014 season: The Senators’ elimination from playoff contention in the final week of th…
Vancouver Canucks: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Vancouver Canucks Mascot: The green men’s bulge 2013-14 Season: Tired of boring things like scoring goals and having a good powerplay, the 2013-14 Canucks’ primary focus was on losing games…
