OTTAWA – After months of deliberation, the Canadian Radio and Television Commission released a ruling requiring large cable companies like Rogers and Bell to offer customers the kind of che…
Feds ask workers with disabilities to shred policy on human decency before laying them off
OTTAWA – The federal government has made one final request to 50 wastepaper workers with intellectual disabilities before they are laid off and the work given to more expensive private comp…
Tory MP Larry Miller apologizes for racist comments which he still stands by and does not apologize for
OWEN SOUND – Conservative MP Larry Miller has apologized for telling women wearing the niqab to “stay the hell where you came from”, a claim which he refuses to apologize for. “My comments …
Local man just wants to listen to the band Nekrofilth in peace
CLEVELAND, OH – Metalhead James Forrest, tired after a long and stressful day, said he just wants to come home and listen to songs like Junkie Cunt in order to relax, but is having difficul…
Comedy visionary dreamed of a world that made more sense to him
When starting a website that you want to become the premiere source of satire and comedy writing in a country, you need things. Money, business contacts, endorsements from prominent people. Laure…
Report: dime still not subway token
TORONTO – Despite being certain that he had finally found the missing subway token in his jacket pocket, local man Ryan Malan discovered it was, yet again, nothing but a dime. “I looked in …
Ezra Levant says key to new network’s success will be keeping cats out of living room
Since the downfall of The Sun News Network, conservative commentator Ezra Levant has announced that he will launch The Rebel, an online media network, from his living room as soon as he can get h…
Single man buys special Valentine’s Day bag of Tostitos
CHURCHILL, MA – Local man Ryan Booker has finalized his Valentine’s Day plans this year by pre-purchasing the special bag of tortilla chips that he will eat on his own during the most…
John Baird resigns as foreign minister to spend more time stopping progress at home
OTTAWA – Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird surprised reporters yesterday by announcing that he would be leaving his post in order to spend his time preventing development and change in hi…
Ghostbusters fans ain’t afraid of no ghosts, unless that ghost has a vagina
THE INTERNET – After director Paul Feig announced that his Ghostbusters reboot would feature an all-female cast of Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon, many fans …
