BALTIMORE – Freelance photographer Erik Meiteen, known for his shots of looters in Ferguson, had a great chance to document the “shocking” and “apocalyptic” levels of violence network news …
Former high school sweet hearts reunite 30 lbs later
Mississauga, ON – Former high school sweethearts, Ashley Richards and Derek Knobely, have reignited their love after he gained 20 pounds and she added several inches to her waistline. “Orig…
Connor McDavid loses draft lottery
TORONTO – On the biggest stage of his young career Connor McDavid, the most hyped hockey prospect in a decade, was unable to will the top draft pick to an actual NHL team, and he will now b…
NHL Playoff Preview 2015: Eastern Conference
As teams gear up for the annual playoff battle and the Leafs gear up for their annual schvitz, its time for The Beaverton‘s experts to break down the match ups, rivalries and action that wi…
Mike Holmes breaks into house to check if it has knob and tube wiring
TORONTO – Famous contractor and television host Mike Holmes has allegedly furthered his hatred of knob and tube wiring by forcing his way into a local residence to check out the electrical …
Foreign friend keeps calling it ice hockey
EDMONTON – Although he reported being generally happy that his English friend Simon had come for a visit, local man Carl Terrace did wish he would stop referring to our national obsession a…
Greece demands Iran pay 800 billion euros in reparations from Greco-Persian wars
ATHENS – Following a conveniently timed demand that Germany pay further reparations arising from its occupation of Greece during WWII, the Greek government has gone on to demand the governm…
Leafs platinum ticket holder throws Armani dinner jacket onto ice
TORONTO – After spending thousands of dollars on season tickets and pre-game sushi only to see the Leafs lose again and again, local man and ACC Platinum Club member Winston Scott joined th…
Top 10 Saskatchewan hockey rinks to take a piss in
Now that hockey season is starting to come to an end, and spring has almost sprung, it’s time for The Beaverton’s annual review of the best Saskatchewan hockey rinks we pissed in this…
Tax season makes man glad he saved that Wendy’s receipt from 7 months ago
SARNIA, ON – As he completes his tax return, local man David Cupchik says he is very happy that he remembered to get that receipt from the $8.99 chicken sandwich combo he ordered at the Wen…
