QUEBEC CITY – The corruption scandal, a sacred and time-tested Quebec tradition whereby the entire government is thrown into disarray after revelations of shady behind the scenes dealing, s…
Apple invents new laptop that is designed to be turned off once in a while
PAOLO ALTO – In a stunning announcement Apple Inc. has revealed that their new MacBook Pro has been specially built so that it will function better if turned off from time to time. “As our …
Dust blown off Porky’s tapes from coast to coast as nation celebrates Canadian Film Day
OTTAWA – Canadians from all across the country came together to celebrate Canadian Film Day by digging their old VHS copies of 1981 sex comedy Porky’s out from storage. “Porky’s wasn’t my f…
TTC Shop to sell giant sticks operators still use to move streetcar tracks
TORONTO – The TTC Shop has introduced a new item for sale: life size replicas of the large sticks operators still use to move the streetcar tracks for some reason. “We’ve done quite well se…
Leafs playoff berth gives hope to man who has also sucked for decades
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs rise to young playoff team has encouraged Henry Fawcett, a 57-year-old who has been finishing out of the playoffs of life for many years now. “I mean, if t…
I endorse the Beaverton Corporation for Conservative Party Leader
BY: STEPHEN HARPER, CANADA’S 22ND PRIME MINISTER Over these past few months, as numerous candidates have announced their intention to run to replace me as leader of the Conservative Party, …
Toronto city council announces that plan to make every neighbourhood look the same is ahead of schedule
TORONTO – At a press conference Toronto city councillors advised that the transformation of Toronto’s diverse neighbourhoods into a single grey monolith will be completed by 2025, instead o…
Embarrassed Pence carries crying Trump out of cabinet meeting
WASHINGTON D.C. – A frustrated Mike Pence has been spotted carrying a screaming and wailing Donald Trump out of the White House cabinet meeting room. “I swear he doesn’t normally act like t…
Good news! That friend you don’t want to hang out with anymore just shared a Rebel Media article
WINNIPEG – Finally some good news for a change! Jason, that guy from university who you are tired of “grabbing a beer” with once every six months just posted an article from alt-right hate …
Kyle Lowry wakes from surgery to find Drake asleep in hospital room chair
TORONTO – Recovering from surgery to clean out loose bodies from his right wrist, Raptors point guard Kyle Lowry woke up to find hip hop superstar Drake asleep in the hospital room chair, w…
