TORONTO – Despite scientific studies proving otherwise, the Canadian Flaskmakers Association (CFA) continues to assert that its product is a normal beverage container and not one used 100% …
Editorial: Oscar Season is Heating Up! by a child named Oscar
By Oscar Barnes, Grade 2 Hi! The calendar is flipping to January, and if you love great movies, that means one thing: It’s time to start thinking about Oscar! Because he is hosting a birthday par…
Orlando rebrands as ‘Orwatero’ in anticipation of climate change
ORWATERO – In an effort to be the first city to recognize the new reality that much of the earth will soon be covered in water, Mayor Buddy Dyer has announced that Orlando, FL is changing i…
Integrity of office Secret Santa destroyed by constant leaks
REGINA – The secrecy of the Secret Santa system in Regina’s SaskTel offices has been called into question, after a flurry of leaks led to full public knowledge of who was buying presents fo…
Meet Tilda Swinton’s sister, Close Bracket Swinton
DUNS, SCOTLAND – After years of living in her sister’s shadow, Tilda Swinton’s younger sister, Close Bracket Swinton, is ready to take the acting world by storm by producing, directing and …
Zoo trades away most popular animals; working towards ‘competitive window’ in 2024
TORONTO – After suffering for years in comparison to other world-class zoos like the San Diego Zoo and Bronx Zoo, the Toronto Zoo has decided to intentionally send its best animals to other…
Queen announces ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ so done
LONDON – The iconic British poster exhorting citizens to ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ has reached its 2,000,000th recorded parodic variation, prompting Queen Elizabeth II to prohibit any more u…
HBO announces production of Chernobyl Christmas special
NEW YORK – Following the massive success of Chernobyl, the miniseries about the world’s worst nuclear disaster, HBO has announced a follow-up special airing this December which will bring a…
Children impressed, sad at how much Dad knows about Transformers
GRAVENHURST, ON – Local Dad Emil Johnston, 39, demonstrated substantial knowledge of the alien robots known as Transformers at a Toys R Us yesterday, and the response of his two children wa…
Belize changes national anthem to ‘Belize It or Not, I’m Walking on Air’
BELMOPAN, BELIZE- After a parliamentary debate that stretched into the wee hours, the government of Belize, the Central American country of approximately 400,000 people changed its national anthe…
