CAMBRIDGE, UK – Renowned physicist Stephen Hawking, considered by many to be the most intelligent man in the world, has died in this iteration of the universe, but sources from multiple oth…
Historian confirms ancient Greek Olympic curling took place in the nude
LAVAL, QC – A recent study shows that the original Olympic athletes of ancient Greece, long thought to not practice any winter sports at all, did in fact compete at curling, and did so comp…
9 proven ways to quit social media that you won’t even try you pathetic little addict
Social media can take over people’s lives and has been proven to have negative effects on mental health, self-esteem and sleep habits, so clearly it’s time to quit. You know this to be true in th…
Gay friend can’t even look at you until you’re caught up on Drag Race
MONTREAL – According to numerous reports, your closest gay friend, Erik Mitchell, is refusing to engage with you in any way until you have watched the latest episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. …
BREAKING: Man panics upon discovering karaoke song more than just chorus
WINNIPEG – Eyewitnesses are reporting that 32 year old customer service representative Evan Legault is having difficulty keeping it together after taking the stage at a local karaoke bar to…
Kombucha makers urge public to “stay calm” following the escape of rogue scoby
GUELPH, ON – The makers of Calm Brew brand kombucha held a press conference today to tell local residents to “not panic” after a scoby – the living symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast re…
Hawaiians report end-of-the-world sex not romantic, just frantic, terrifying
HONOLULU — Following an erroneous mobile phone alert telling Hawaiians a ballistic attack was imminent, thousands of island residents are reporting that engaging in panicked, fearful doomsd…
Parti Québécois proves they aren’t racist by bravely not wanting to talk about racism
QUEBEC CITY – As the anniversary of last year’s mosque shooting outside Québec City approaches, the Parti Québécois has succeeded in proving that they are “not even a little bit racist” by opposi…
Adorable! This small town thinks their film festival is relevant!
Stop what you’re doing right now because this adorable small town is going to melt your heart with its sweet innocence! Whitwell, Manitoba is home to the darling 4 year old Whitwell Weekend Film …
6-year-old awakens from sugar-crash covered in temporary tattoos
GATINEAU, QC – After slowly coming to from a sugar-crash-induced nap, 6-year-old Phillippe Watkins was surprised to discover his body covered in temporary Cars 3 tattoos that he had no memo…
