TORONTO – As the 2015 Pan American Games approach, workers and officials are confident that construction of the tunnel leading to the Toronto island airport will be finished on schedule for…
Weeping John Tory carries shotgun down to sickly Gardiner Expressway
TORONTO – After telling the city council that ‘the Mayor should be the one to do it,’ a quietly crying John Tory has walked down to the Gardiner Expressway with a loaded shotgun in his hand…
Bloodstained, haggard Gilles Duceppe stumbles into BQ caucus meeting
OTTAWA – His clothing torn, and covered in blood stains and dust, former party leader Gilles Duceppe barged into a Bloc Québécois caucus meeting yesterday at around 12:45 in the afternoon. …
Truth and Reconciliation: Stephen Harper sends apology email to First Nations
OTTAWA – After the publication of a Truth and Reconciliation commission report calling the Residential Schools a cultural genocide, Prime Minister Harper has sent an apologetic email to Can…
Nation just trying to keep Uncle Dave off the topic of Caitlyn Jenner
NATIONWIDE – With Caitlyn Jenner’s courageous gender transition making worldwide headlines, the nation is just desperately trying to keep Uncle Dave from sharing his opinions on the issue w…
Courtroom stenographer actually writing stenographer fan-fiction
OTTAWA – A recent analysis of transcripts has revealed that stenographer Maggie Peck has actually been working on a work of fiction about the sensual life of a courtroom stenographer. “I st…
Landlord definitely knew about single, giant bedbug before you signed
TORONTO – Despite his claims to the contrary, sources confirm there’s ‘literally no way’ your new landlord didn’t know about the four-foot bedbug living in the second bedroom. “I no know ab…
Marvel announces film schedule through 43rd century AD
LOS ANGELES – Shortly after announcing a schedule of their upcoming films until 2019, Marvel Studios has released a new schedule, this one with every film planned for the next 41 centuries.…
Bill, Roy, and Chad concede defeat as Dale elected new premier of PEI
CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI – After a gruelling campaign that led candidates from the dock all the way to the old barn, Bill, Roy, and Chad have called it quits, and Dale has been elected Premier of…
Kate Middleton immediately pregnant again
LONDON – Fans of the Royal Family across the Commonwealth rejoiced this afternoon as Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, announced she was once again pregnant, just hours after the birth …
