PARRY SOUND – A struggling amateur hockey team for five and six year-olds has been dealt another blow after their disillusioned parents began throwing their Timbits fan jerseys onto the ice…
Government to punish fake soldier by treating him like a real veteran
OTTAWA – After posing as a fake Canadian Forces soldier, DND and Veterans Affairs have decided the impostor’s punishment should be to endure the poor treatment they inflict on a real Canadi…
Only high school football player without concussion clearly not trying hard enough
CHATHAM, ON – While his high school team made the playoffs, a grade 11 linebacker has shown little effort in scoring a concussion this season. 16 year-old Chad Donaldson has repeatedly miss…
Children rejoice after woman who handed out raisins for Halloween dies
BARRIE – Local children are celebrating after learning that the widow who keeps giving them raisins for Halloween has died. “Alright, she’s dead!” rejoiced nine-year old Jackson LeMay weari…
Politicians quickly change opinion of their now deceased colleague
OTTAWA – In a sign of respect, politicians of all stripes have promptly changed their opinion of their now deceased colleague from negative to positive. “He was a great man,” lied a fellow …
Canada Post to push people out of wheelchairs to see if home delivery needed
OTTAWA – Persons with disabilities, seniors and the very ill will now be required to be pushed out of their wheelchairs by Canada Post in order to prove that they need home delivery service…
New $6 Starbucks drink consists entirely of foam
TORONTO – Kicking off its new Fall menu next week, Starbucks has unveiled its new drink that consists entirely of foam. The ‘Frothachino’ consists of small bubbles made from a steamer and c…
Burger King execs still waiting in line at Tim Hortons
SARNIA, ON – A pair of Burger King executives were late for a merger meeting after being stuck in a line for over 20-minutes at a local Tim Hortons. The quick service restaurant executives …
Harper visits Arctic to discuss Northern photo development
IQALUIT – After a long flight from Ottawa, Prime Minister Stephen Harper arrived in the North earlier this week to sit down and discuss with Northern leaders and communities on the progress…
Montreal municipal workers grant themselves permit to burn city hall
MONTREAL – Municipal workers in Montreal protesting the province’s pension reform have granted themselves permission to burn down the city’s famed l’Hotel de ville as well as several other …
