EDMONTON, AB – After months of data collection, 3000 hours of simulation tests, and a research endowment of over $450,000, top anbropologists at the University of Alberta have proven that t…
Gen-Y hipsters scour Internet for vintage mp3s
TORONTO, ON – According to a group of hipsters from Toronto’s Queen St. West area, the Internet is a “treasure trove” of vintage mp3 recordings. “There’s a great selection out there if you …
Majestic tidal bore described as ‘total bore’ by local teen
TRURO, NOVA SCOTIA – After spending an afternoon with his father driving out to witness a tidal bore—a phenomenon that resembles a miniature tidal wave—local teen Derek Hanswicks described …
Heavy petting officially downgraded to first base
PARIS – In a long overdue move, the International Association for Getting It On has officially downgraded heavy petting to first base. The move reclassifies French Kissing as a sacrifice bu…
School bully suspended: cafeteria sees strong third quarter gains
BARRIE, ON – A middle school cafeteria in Barrie is experiencing significant gains on a number of its food products following the suspension of notable sixth grade bully Reese “Kit Kat” Kot…