OTTAWA – As local residents welcome patio season, Sana Khan, a thirty-two year old public servant, appears to be struck with a severe case of amnesia, tragically unable to recall that she lives in a desolate arctic hellscape for the majority of the year.
“Isn’t this the most beautiful city in the world?! God, how lucky are we that we can do yoga outside on Parliament Hill every week” swooned a delirious Khan completely forgetting the record-breaking snowfall just a few short weeks backs in April. Perhaps most surprisingly, Khan seemed to have no recollection of nearly dying of hypothermia in February of 2014.
“It truly is magical. I don’t even know which patio to sit on on any given day, there are just so many beautiful spots to choose from”, said a delusional Khan rattling off a litany of summer hangout spots in the National Capital Region.
Khan, who resides in conditions most fitting for dogsleds yet neither skis or skates, appeared to have no memory of ever having Seasonal Affective Disorder this past winter.
Khan’s friends and family in Vancouver are astonished at her denial that Ottawa is nothing more than a desolate snowy tundra, barren of life, notwithstanding a few government outposts. “I keep telling her to move back home to Vancouver, that she’ll be happier here but Sana can’t see past the bike paths and hiking trails in Gatineau Park” said Khan’s teary-eyed mother.
When presented with evidence of her angry January Facebook statuses, which stated that she wished she was in Cancun, and queried why her family would “emigrate from lush India to cold bitter Canada” Khan simple shrugged claiming she had no recollection of those posts.
According to sources close to Khan, she was seen Wednesday during her lunch hour sporting a sundress and shivering on a patio on Sparks Street in 10 degree weather. Khan was overheard boasting that she was patio-hopping as early as April 16th this year.
