BEIJING – The Keystone Pipeline, which is proposed to deliver crude oil from the Athabasca oil sands region in Alberta, Canada to Illinois, Oklahoma and the gulf coast of Texas, has been the centre point of environmental controversy in North America, but the Chinese denounce these criticisms as child’s play.
“One pipeline, are you kidding? The Taichung Power Plant in Taiwan, by itself, emits more CO2 than all of the oil sands operation combined and we are already looking at expansion,” reported Zhou Shengxian, China’s Minister of Environmental Protection. “In terms of causing tangible damage to the environment, the Keystone Pipeline is a weak little boy, incapable of reaching puberty.”
China, a country that holds 19% of the world’s population, yet consumes 48% of the world’s coal and iron ore elements, says it makes no difference if the Keystone Pipeline is even built or not, adding that the pipeline is nothing more than “a pathetic little water slide for children that wouldn’t be able to pollute the environment even if it tried.”
“There are more pigs in our great nation than in the next 43 pork producing nations combined. We recently had to dump over 12,000 swine into the Huangpu River near Shanghai, which provides millions of people with drinking water and nobody complained. It sounds like protesters in North America have too much time on their hands,” said state official Ziu Joeng. “We find cute Carbon Tax Credits to be about as minimally effective at curing the environment as the Keystone Pipeline is at polluting it. We’re a country that consumes 50,000 cigarettes every second. We even pollute our own bodies better than [North America] can pollute the environment.”
Reports amid China’s government and media about the Keystone XL claim that the US cannot even pollute the planet properly anymore, providing “another sign of the country’s steady decline.” Adding that, In 2010, China set a new world record for selling 18-million vehicles in a single year, all of which will run on oil and gasoline. Though China did add that the western world as a whole still showed some strengths, and they were “mildly impressed” by the 2010 BP Oil spill.
When pressed for a position on this issue, Chinese President Xi Jinping said, “We are already the world’s largest carbon dioxide emitter and our total output will rise 70% by the year 2020, but keep making a big deal about a single cute little pipeline over in North America.”
