OTTAWA – Minister of International Trade Maninder Sidhu has said Canada should pursue European Union membership as part of the government’s plan to diversify trade away from the United States.
When asked by reporters about the logistics of Canada joining the European Union when they are across the Atlantic Ocean, Sidhu replied that the French territory of Saint Pierre and Miquelon is only nineteen kilometres off the coast of Newfoundland, a fact which shocked both Canadians and residents of the French islands.
“I had no idea we were even part of France!” said Antoine Gascón, a resident of the capital, Saint Pierre. “We use Canadian dollars, I have a Canadian bank account, I can see Newfoundland from my back porch, what do you mean this is France?”
A 2022 poll of Canadians found that only tenth graders who visited the islands on a school field trip were aware that Saint Pierre and Miquelon were part of France.
“Technically, this makes us closer to Europe than the island of Great Britain is,” Sidhu noted hopefully said to reporters. “We also have a land border with Denmark on Hans Island. Hint hint.”
However, reporters continued to question the Minister on the logistics of Canada joining a European-based bloc. “If Australia is allowed to compete in Eurovision, surely we can get membership in the European Union?” Sidhu stated, noting that the surviving members of Rush were ready to compose a competitive pop song at a moment’s notice.
Sidhu also clarified that he is looking at other trading blocs for Canada to try and join. “Since French Guiana is in South America, that basically puts us right next to Brazil, so why don’t we also join Merocsur? Or how about the African Union? France still has islands between Mozambique and Madagascar, so we’re also right next door! That’s a good enough reason to join, right?”
When asked about the subject, France’s foreign affairs ministry said: “Wait, Saint Pierre and Miquelon aren’t already part of Canada?”
