By Cash Ritchie, Senior VP, Finance, at WoodHolly Studios
The Wicked movie has already proven a resounding success not only for Universal, but for show business at large. As the industry continues to bounce back from the pandemic and also years of corporate greed that decimated the business and forced the creatives who actually make the movies to go on strike, we the money guys must pay closer attention than ever to what audiences really want. And thanks to Wicked, we now know what that is:
More movies about green people.
Oh sure, I guess a couple of critics are lauding Wicked for its stirring performances, its inspired direction, and its nuanced portrayal of an intimate female friendship. But those obvious hacks are just green with envy of those of us who actually know “the biz” (that’s what we call show business, just FYI). And those of us who actually know the biz know: audiences want to hold space with green people.
It makes so much sense. Now I know why all those movies we churned out by and for thin straight white people failed. We needed a token green guy! Or gal – we’re inclusive.
It’s just like how Barbie taught us people want more movies about toys, or how that one ad for The Social Network showed us they want all serious movie trailers to feature weird, haunting, children’s choir remixes of pop tunes. Moviegoers are telling us what they want; we need only listen to what they have to say.
Frankly, it’s embarrassing it took us so long to figure this out. You know what we in the biz call it when we move a project into production? A GREEN light.
Two of the highest-grossing film franchises in recent years are James Cameron’s Avatar and the Minions movies. Movies about blue people and yellow people. You know what blue and yellow make? Green.
And you know what we money guys care about most in the world, more than making good art, or telling important stories, or properly compensating the people who make good art and tell important stories? Money. And you know another word for money?
That’s right – green.
So have no fear, folks. Lots more green coming your way. Shrek 5. Luigi and Yoshi spin-offs. A gritty Gumby reboot. The Mike Wazowski Cinematic Universe. We are gonna saturate your screens with green people till you’re green about the gills.
Of course, when I say green “people”, I actually mean green AI-generated slop with too many fingers that uses enough energy to destroy God’s green earth. But hey, who needs real greenery anyway? That’s what green screens are for.
