We’ve all been there. Nauseous, bleary, remembering that you puked a kiddie pool’s worth of green lager onto your boss’s dog at the St. Paddy’s day staff party. And we all know that the only way to drown out the pain is to blast a certain blood-pumping Canadian classic on repeat for hours and hours. However, should you find yourself in a situation where that’s inexplicably not an option, we’ve put together some other hangover cures – just in case.
Drink Fluids
While the only real cure for dehydration is jamming out to a timeless celtic drinking anthem by a group of ragtag Canadian scamps, sometimes it’s okay to settle for water (like from a tap). Your brain will be grateful for the liquids, and your gulping will mask the absence of a skinny kid from North Vancouver absolutely shredding on the Irish bouzouki.
Do Small Tasks
You’re probably feeling overwhelmed by worried texts from co-workers asking if you’re going to “show your face again”, “apologize for staining Muffins the terrier”, or if you’ll be “feeling better in time for the big presentation”. Not to worry! You can drown it all out by focusing on a series of small, ultimately inconsequential chores. Just remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. Although, if Romulus had the wherewithal to load up his lute with the inspiring tale of three best friends getting piss drunk on a train, then maybe the Colosseum would’ve had padded seats.
Stay Positive
Motivational messages and tips are the perfect thing to keep you from just moving to Jamaica, already. Some example affirmations include, “You’ll have to excuse me”, “I’m not at my best”, or any other nuggets of wisdom that appear when you Google “Home for a Rest by the beloved Canadian folk-rock band Spirit of the West + lyrics”.
Hop on a Train
In the buffet car lurch back and forth while you submit your formal resignation. Maybe you can find a new job through a hobby, like music. Form your band and when they object to a twenty-track-one-song set-list, kick them out and lock Geoffrey Kelly in your guest room until he finally publishes that solo album.
