VANCOUVER – A study done at the University of British Columbia has found that the negative effects of smoking are completely outweighed by the benefits of just having five fucking minutes to yourself.
The research claims that being able to step outside for a few minutes and remove oneself from toxic social environments at a moments notice is leading to greater long-term health for smokers. The positive effects of regular alone time while smoking includes lowered blood pressure, decreased stress and anxiety levels, and even healthier lungs from being able to escape tightly packed rooms filled with a mixture of body odour and bad perfumes.
“Your average non-smoker is putting themselves at risk every single day of their lives by not taking five minutes to themselves every hour or so,” explains Dr. Marianna Mayler who conducted the study. “Having no built-in excuse for escaping shitty conversations at your place of work or social outing leads to non-smokers consuming countless toxins from the bullshit people keep spewing at them.”
Surprisingly, the biggest health concern smokers face is actually believed to be getting exposed to secondhand small talk, which can even happen during a smoke break if another smoker looking to chat happens to follow you outside.
Further studies on the positive effects of smoking are being conducted, with the research inspiring many health professionals to revisit commonly held beliefs. One researcher has already begun work investigating whether the physical health benefits of going to the gym are actually worth the mental strain of having to interact with people who go to the gym.
