OTTAWA – The City of Ottawa has confirmed SNC-Lavalin will construct Stage 3 of the Ottawa LRT after submitting a blank sheet of paper as a design.
Despite lacking any details on trains, tracks, or even words, the Montreal-based engineering firm will now be responsible for a multi-billion dollar public transportation project.
“We’re just impressed at the balls SNC-Lavalin had to give us nothing but their name,” said a star-struck city staff member who reviewed the design. “This no-assed effort must mean that they’re the best out of all of the bids. Plus we know the firm has can swing a big dick in federal cabinet.”
Employees who reviewed the design justified their decision since a blank sheet of paper is the cheapest option while its complexity lies in the imagination of its reviewers.
“That’s just art,” said another employee fawning over the approved blank bid for billions of dollars. “Sure, the bid received a 0 technical score, but achieved a 100 on artistic merit and thinking outside the box.
“SNC-Lavalin is like Banksy; if you’re good at art, you’re great at engineering,” added the unnamed official as he placed the framed 8½ x 11 inch proposal into the City Hall Art Gallery.
As per tradition, Ottawa City Council unquestioningly approved the no-bid bid so it could move on to addressing problems with the current LRT.
