REGINA — Reports indicate that local man Cameron Watts, 34, is still trapped inside the bathroom of a local Outback Steakhouse, futilely waving his unwashed hands in front of the non-responsive bathroom sink sensors.
“It’s been fifteen minutes,” exclaimed an exasperated and bone dry Watts. Standing in front of the sink, the desperate restaurant patron moved his hands in numerous directions and at varying speeds, each time with no response from the newly-installed sink.
“If they had the old style handle faucets, I’d be back at my seat by now. My natural-cut ribeye is probably completely cold by now.”
Witnesses report watching the increasingly desperate Watts experimenting with various hand gestures, and refusing help as they experienced little to no difficulty in using the other nearby sinks. “Yeah, it worked fine for me on the first try,” explained fellow bathroom patron Tyrone Jackson, 43. “I asked him if he wanted to use my sink when I was done, but he just had this slightly-crazed look in his eye. Like he didn’t want to let the automated sinks beat him, but he was worried they already had.”
Eyewitnesses report watching as Watts waved his hands up and down, side to side, and at one point in a kind of “wax on, wax off” motion. One Outback employee responded to reports of “a man doing tai chi or something in front of the bathroom mirror,” but was alarmed to discover the increasingly-unhinged Watts.
Medical professionals speculate that Watts’ hands may have some kind of fungal disorder rendering them imperceptible to sensor technology, that his hands may be “the wrong shape”, or that Watts is in fact a vampire.
Back in the bathroom, witnesses report that Watts’ struggle against the unresponsive sink has entered its 25th minute.
In the event that Watts does manage to conquer the hands free bathroom sink, no word yet on how he plans to tackle the automated paper towel dispenser.
