NIAGARA FALLS, ON — To honour the recent passing of Marineland owner John Holer, an Orca dorsal fin has been flown at half-mast in the beleaguered amusement park.
“We really think it’s what John would have wanted,” said Marineland spokesperson, Wanda Fries. “And so the one remaining Orca we have in captivity is doing her part by showing the world her profound sadness via a collapsed dorsal fin — a completely normal response that’s perfectly healthy in killer whales.”
Mr. Holer founded the aquatic-themed amusement park in 1963, using his previous experience as a circus owner to perfect the art of animal enslavement. He was well known to family and friends as a generous man with a big heart, and a unique ability to seal away said heart when subduing large cetaceans behind inadequately-sized reinforced glass tanks.
While the park had been experiencing numerous controversies as of late due to legal clashes with the Ontario Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, Marineland officials maintain that all of their captive animals are treated with equal amounts of respect.
“By no means does any animal receive worse treatment than another,” said Fries. “We take pride in the fact that all of the animals contained within the park share an equal aversion to happiness.”
Mr. Holer lived to the ripe age of 83, more than double that of an Orca in captivity.
