TORONTO – Local white friend Connor Allen is reportedly just a little too hyped for Marvel’s latest blockbuster, the studio’s first to feature a person of colour in the starring role.
“I haven’t felt this alive since Obama was elected,” he reportedly insists on repeating several times a day, despite no one ever asking how he feels about the movie.
Sources suggest Allen’s fervour remained unnoticed at first, but his friends started to wonder when he changed his facebook hometown to Wakanda, and then made a 1000-word post about how technically his hometown would be Wakanda’s capital city, Birnin Zana.
Allen now recites the trailer from memory at parties (complete with unconvincing accents), and has started bringing up the movie every time he meets a Black person.
Allen’s co-workers aren’t surprised by his newest obsession. “When Wonder Woman came out last year, he phoned me sobbing at midnight to tell me I was the real wonder woman,” said Allen’s boss Tia Johnston. “When Iron Fist was released, he personally apologized to every Asian person he knows.”
“I know he’s trying to be supportive, I just wish he would stop making unbroken eye contact and saying ‘This was Dr. King’s dream’” she added.
At press time, Allen remains passionate about protecting Wakanda’s supply of vibranium, but is still undecided about the Black Lives Matter movement.
