LANGLEY, BC – After reading the limit of eight articles in the first hour of the month, local resident Nima Petri has been completely cut off from all information beyond what is available to his five senses.
“I’ve tried to keep informed of current affairs,” said Petri. “It’s been a few weeks and I’m deep in withdrawal, but it’s literally impossible to do now that I have come up against that paywall. I guess now I’ll never know what happens in Syria,” adding he had a feeling everything’s going to turn out fine there.
“The Globe and Mail is like a pusher, man,” said self-described news junkie Gary Seleniuk. “The first few articles are free and then they jack up the price to the insane price of $6 dollars a week. Next thing you know, you’re pawning your grandma’s TV just to afford your next news hit.”
After being shut off from conventional news sources, Petri has begun to create complicated theories about what is happening based purely on the headlines he has access to. Petri then writes these predictions into a poorly formatted word document that serves as his newspaper he calls The Nima Times. Those few who have have read the paper have described the editorial voice as “fantastical” and “surprisingly right wing”.
In addition to his own paper Petri has been reading a photocopied periodical distributed at cafes and burrito shops, and The Watchtower, a magazine handed out by Jehovah Witnesses.
“I am doing my best to stay informed,” said Nima. “But I can’t be expected to do something crazy, like pay for journalism.”
