VANCOUVER – Despite efforts by local b-boy collective Kozmik Katz, and their age-old rivals the Zero-G Crew, to join forces and save their community centre through breakdancing, demolition proceeded as scheduled this week after millionaire developer Edgar L. Worthington responded with skilled and varied routine of his own, decisively serving both crews.
Crew leaders and long-time adversaries P-Rock and Mystic Mitch were reportedly showing an enthusiastic crowd what they could do as a team when Worthington arrived. However, after Worthington pushed his way into the circle to witness their impromptu performance, he dismissively waved his hand like “whatever man,” loosened his tie, and warmed up with a brief toprock before dropping into a blinding sequence of leg threads and a chain of on-point superman swipes.
Determined to replace the beloved community centre with a strip mall, Worthington is known to posses a heartless drive for profit above all else – but was NOT known to possess such a diverse arsenal of power moves, ranging from windmills and flares to a flawless gremlin spin.
“I may be 63 years old, but I learn from my mistakes,” said Worthington, addressing media while stalled in a v-kick freeze, as his chauffeur paced behind him, cheering him on. “When you’ve had breakdancing youths save as many of these community centres out from under you as I have, you adapt.”
“See you kids at the new strip mall!” he chided, mockingly popping his booty at Mystic Mitch before doing a Bay Area strut back to his limousine.
Eyewitnesses agreed that the severe schooling of the assembled b-boys and b-girls undermined their cause completely.
“I loved that community centre, and those kids were doing a great thing,” said local shop owner Greg Thompkins. “But that rich, out-of-touch developer styled on them so badly that I could not in good conscience donate any money.”
“I don’t think there’s any doubt at this point that the property is his… although I don’t know what he’s going to build on it, because that earth is totally scorched,” assessed Loretta Prescott, P-Rock’s mother.
At press time Worthington was en route to Camp Konatoga, to humiliate its plucky campers with a competing, better talent show.
