LOS ANGELES – Method actor Christian Bale has gone to great lengths recently in preparation for his role as Dick Cheney in the upcoming biopic Backseat, including shaving his head, gaining a great deal of weight, and shooting an unsuspecting friend in the face during a hunting trip.
“Bale is very committed to his process,” said his publicist in a statement. “He is willing to gain or lose any amount of weight, and shoot whoever it takes for the role to feel authentic. If he has to ream out a crew member on the set of Terminator: Salvation or sow misinformation that leads to a devastating war, that’s just the price of good acting.”
“This is all my fault,” Bale’s childhood friend Nigel Whitmore stated from his hospital room where he was recovering from being shot in the face, neck and chest. “Who else could possibly be to blame for this accident?” Whitmore added that he should have known better than to agree to come quail hunting while Bale was preparing for his role as Cheney, since “last time we went into the woods together he was getting ready for his role in Rescue Dawn and he made us eat worms. I had jerky with me but he said it wasn’t period appropriate.”
When reached directly for comment, Bale reassured reporters that his friend would be “fine” and that it was “no big deal. It’s not as if I ordered the military to waterboard him for information and then pretended that waterboarding isn’t torture.”
As of press time, Bale has reportedly decided to get still closer to his role by giving himself five heart attacks.
