Have you ever wondered why after chugging a particularly warm beer, one feels compelled to chant “U.S.A, U.S.A”, even if you’re not in the United States?
Well wonder no more, because we found the boy that started this trend.
Meet Trent (T-Bonerz) Woods, the frat boy who claims to be the first person to ever chant “U.S.A, U.S.A”.
“It came to me pretty organically” T-Bonerz says, wearing three golf shirts layered on top of one another, all pastel yellow. “After one particularly gnarly beer pong sesh (session), I got the classic urge to just chant-scream. But I knew if I wanted to get everyone in the party on board, it had to be short and it had to encapsulate how I feel about the world…the world being America because nothing else exists. Suddenly, I could feel the syllables launch out of my mouth. Like the way you feel after you barf all the Old Englishes you drank that morning”.
And thus, “U.S.A, U.S.A” was born.
“I remember that party”, says Aaron Winkle-Cox, a party attendee and known sociopath. “It was the ‘Hos Before Bros’ party of ‘76. We had all just finished hazing ‘Chodley’ by hitting him with my car. Then I heard Trent utter those three letters and I swear to God I got goosebumps.”
And goosebumps we all got. It’s not just every frat boy in the world that has taken this chant to heart, but bachelor parties, Trump rallies and even Canadian High school parties have inexplicably picked up on the trend. And it doesn’t stop there. Some have even seen German backpackers in hostels all over the world chanting “U.S.A, U.S.A”; despite no one being American.
Trent, now 59, still looks back on that night with immense pride. “This truly is my crowning achievement. I mean, sure, I run a Fortune Five Hundred company, but that’s only because my dad forced me too. Man I hate my dad so much. Do you ever feel like just running away and never coming back?”
Besides Trent’s obvious depression, the world is a changed place thanks to “U.S.A, U.S.A”. So next time your local sports team scores that goal, or you have sex with someone who’s way out of your league; remember to thank Trent Woods.
