ELORA, ON – In a promising case that has the scientific community cautiously optimistic, local man Kyle Redding appears to be no worse off for his decision not to watch Marvel’s Netflix series Iron Fist over a month ago.
As a growing majority of films and TV shows are fragments of sprawling cinematic universes with decades-long release schedules, the negative effects of missing one piece of a franchise have generally become unthinkable. That Redding seems to have safely managed to not simply put off watching, but actively resolve to NEVER watch Iron Fist – one of four shows on Netflix designed to lead into the upcoming series The Defenders – has turned conventional wisdom on its head.
“I have to admit, even though I didn’t really care about the character and I’d heard it was pretty bad, I was still really worried that if I didn’t watch it I’d feel like I’d missed out on something or that I’d be at a disadvantage when Defenders came out,” said Redding, “but I think… I think I’m okay.”
Redding also explained that his fear of being unable to participate in a discussion of the show at a social function – the primary motivating factor behind 90% of his television viewing – has so far not been an issue in the case of Iron Fist.
“Of course there’s a chance that this is just an anomaly,” explained Dr. Alan Yan of Mount Sinai Hospital, where Redding is currently being kept for observation and study. “But if it isn’t, then this could mean something we never dared to dream: That human beings might not have to subject themselves to over 13 hours of television they have no actual interest in watching, out of fear of not fully understanding another television series that’s coming out a year later.”
The broader applications of the discovery that you can simply not sit through media if you don’t want to could also save thousands from watching 13 Reasons Why, downloading a Chainsmokers album, listening to the podcast S-Town, or signing up for whatever Freeform is just because it’s going to have Cloak and Dagger on it.
