VANCOUVER – British Columbia’s corporate and union interests have announced that they will replace all party leaders with better, more eloquent lobbyists for Wednesday’s televised debate.
“After discussing it with the other CEOs, we decided it was time to let Christy go,” explained Teck CEO Donald R. Lindsay, whose company has donated more than $2 million to the BC Liberal Party. “We weren’t getting our money’s worth as she seems to be struggling in the polls.”
Representing the Liberals will be seasoned lobbyist Mia Thompson, who will try to persuade voters with a flashy video outlining strong corporate values for the province.
“We really think [Thompson] puts the special in special interest,” said a representative from the New Car Dealers Association of BC. “She’s planning to sit down with every voter for a nice steak dinner so they know the status quo is a safe bet.”
Filling in for NDP Leader John Horgan is Harry Chong, a former union lawyer and registered lobbyist bankrolled by the BC Government and Service Employees’ Union, the United Steelworkers, and CUPE BC.
“You know, I wish we didn’t have to do this,” lamented BCGEU President Stephanie Smith, “but everyone else is doing it, so who are we to make our own decisions?”
Chong is expected to make a strong case for better collective bargaining agreements and improving employee health benefits to include coverage for “striker’s pancreas.”
Finally, the Greens have replaced their leader with someone with even less name recognition.
