OTTAWA – Kellie Leitch has emerged as a favourite in the Conservative leadership race after a strong showing at the Manning debate wherein she devoured an entire live dove to the raucous applause of the audience.
“She really showed us what commitment to Conservative ideals looks like,” said Maxime Bernier, wiping dove blood from his suit. “I just wish the moderator had cut her off at the two minute mark like he did for everyone else.”
Early on, it seemed Kellie Leitch’s strategy was to remain silent throughout the debate, smiling broadly when asked a direct question and rapidly dilating and contracting her pupils during rebuttal. However this all changed during a question on the Canadian refugee system when Leitch pulled out a clear tupperware container, removed a live dove from the container, calmed the dove, and then proceeded to messily eat the dove.
“The tupperware was a good move,” said slightly green debate attendee Richard Douglas. “Showed she could connect with everyday people who have to bring their doves to work.”
Leitch continued to noisily eat the bird for the last 40 minutes of the debate, stopping only briefly to hack up a pellet made from slimy feathers. The move has garnered widespread acclaim across the Conservative party but some of the other candidates are not convinced.
“She still seems like an Ontario elitist to me,” said leadership candidate Brad Trost. “Why not eat a pigeon, the people’s bird?”
Many have compared the event to the 2004 leadership race, when Harper jumped ahead of Belinda Stronach by smashing 18 turtles with a hammer.
With files by Samuel Smith
