Comox, British Columbia – Organizers of a local rally to protect farmland in Parksville from developers were dismayed this weekend to find their event undermined by the presence of a man with devil sticks and toe-shoes who they claim acted as though he was part of the festivities. Organizers described the individual as a white male, with dreadlocks, age 25-35, sporting vibram toe-shoes, and a series of Polynesian-inspired tattoos.
“I was ready to give my speech about the importance of protecting local farmland when I looked to my right and saw that shirtless fool with those damn sticks,” decried Archie McTavish president of the Comox Farmers Society. “His presence ruined the whole thing.”
The dismay of McTavish was not unfounded as local residents were also perplexed by the presence of the man at the fundraiser.
“I just don’t know what he’s trying to get across,” explained Comox resident Phil Nicholson. “I mean is he a hippie? Or like some sort of protestor? Does he have a job? Is this his job? I just…I just don’t understand. All I know, is that I hate how he insists on wearing those shoes that look like they’re from a not-too-distant but incredibly bleak future. You know, the kind with the toes.”
Municipal Authorities have noticed the man’s presence at other events and are starting to grow concerned.
“It’s getting to be a real problem,” says Mayor Paul Ives. “At first he only ever appeared at Marijuana Legalization rallies but now he’s everywhere. You can’t hold a rally in this town without him showing up. Pro-Life, he’s there. Pro-Choice, he’s there. It doesn’t make any sense.”
When asked to explain where exactly the man with the Devil sticks came from, Sheriff Phil Peterson extrapolated, “We believe he migrated to Comox from Victoria or Vancouver, as he has been spotted at several rallies and fundraisers in those cities as well. He describes himself as ‘incredibly woke.’ Ultimately, he isn’t committing a crime so there’s nothing we can do. He’s just kind of…confusing.”
