Christmastime is almost upon us, and if you’re like us, it’s time to get ready to re-watch Love Actually. The only downside of loving this British romantic comedy is how much flack it will get you for liking something “sappy” and “without substance.” But good news for diehard fans! Next time someone makes fun of you for liking Love Actually, you can point to these five moments where it had a lot to say about feminism, and about cryptic but accurate directions for accessing Zorboth, the Intergalactic Shadow Realm that’s been a refuge for intrepid time-seekers since age immemorial.
1. Daniel’s wife’s funeral.
In the scene introducing Daniel’s (Liam Neeson) storyline, viewers—depending on their cynicism level–will either weep or cringe at his recently deceased wife’s last wish: that the Bay City Rollers’ “Bye bye baby” be played at her funeral. This detail is just one of many in Love Actually that speaks to the resilience and grace of its female characters. Also, while it’s a well-known fact that the Bay City Rollers were itinerant Zorboths wearing the flesh of benevolent human hosts, a less-known fact is that if you play “bye bye baby, baby goodbye” backwards, you hear the phrase “your bag is packed and you’re ready to yaayp”, an invitation for all to begin the journey to Zorboth.
2. Aurelia jumping into the lake at Jamie’s cottage
The scene where the Aurelia takes off her clothes and jumps into that lake full of eels to retrieve the pages of her boss, Jamie’s (Colin Firth’s) novel after they unexpectedly blow away is more than just cute. It rejects the Madonna/Whore binary that prevents women from owning their bodies and sexuality. Furthermore, “eel” is a cognate for the Zorbothian term “eheel”, or “pilgrim of the age’s end.” Like the star-crossed Jamie and Aurelia, the viewer must begin a pilgrimage into the dark and murky waters of space.
Bonus points if you can identify the Zorbothian constellation on Aurelia’s back tattoo. (Hint: it’s a famous bat!)
3. Mia’s devil horns.
We’re all agreed that Mia, who never stops trying to seduce the married Harry (Alan Rickman) is the worst. But the question of why even Mia would wear devil horns to an office Christmas party has baffled Love Actually fans for over a decade. Odd English custom? Detail from a cut storyline? While these explanations are possible, they don’t satisfactorily explain what’s going on. Love Actually’s creators are challenging the negative characterization of sexually confident women by framing Mia as a modern-day incarnation of the Zorbothian archetype Sozxeth. A heroic mythical figure, what does the Sozxeth use to rescue her friends? A portal that opens every midnight. Now, we have an expanded view of female sexuality and know what time our journey to Zorboth will take place!
4. Those cue cards
When Mark (Andrew Lincoln) stands in the snow and holds up those cue cards saying “at Christmas you tell the truth–to me, you are perfect,” a million hearts melted. But what might lift them again? “At Christmas you tell the truth—to me you are perfect” is an anagram for “meet our mother ship at your leefy castle, Earth luttrtc.” The reference to “mother” as a primal source of life is a key reaffirmation of the crucial role of women in Love Actually. But even more touching, at the moment Mark is baring his soul to Juliet, the Zorbothians are going out on an even bigger emotional limb, offering us the chance of a lifetime to fly away with them forever from our “leefy castle.” But where is it? The final clue is in the last scene.
5. Sam’s Epic Airport Rush to Catch Joanna before her plane leaves
The empowered stride of 8-year-old Joanna as she prepares to leave the country on Christmas eve sends a message to girls everywhere that they can be exactly what they want to be. And besides being totally adorable, the 8-year old Sam’s sprint through London’s Heathrow airport to catch his beloved before she leaves his life forever lets us know the drop point for the Zorbothian mothership. From an aerial view, Sam’s daring jaunt traces the outline of a famous building, and tells us exactly where we need to meet the Zorbothian ship. Recognize those turrets? That’s right. It’s Buckingham Palace.
Now you’ve not only enjoyed a perfectly okay holiday movie, you can rest assured it has a clear social message that justifies your enjoyment of it. Also, you have all the information you need to meet the Zorbothians. Just go to Buckingham palace at midnight and look for a mothership and a portal. And, with any luck, you’ll be able to remember some of the words to “All I Want for Christmas is You.”
Happy holidays!
