There are too many ducks at this duck pond
By Agnes Underwood
I’ve been coming down to the duck pond by Miller’s Park for 52 years now and it’s about time that I spoke out about something that’s been troubling me for this entire time: There are just too many ducks at this duck pond.
I know what you’re all thinking: Agnes, you’re off your rocker. Duck ponds are supposed to have ducks! Well, that may be true, but the Miller Park pond just has far too many. They’re there when you sit on the bench, when you go for a stroll by the gazebo, and they even follow you into the parking lot. Everywhere I turn, ducks are there. Judging you. It’s gotten so a lady can’t warm her bones in the afternoon sun without being surrounded by ducks.
Now, I’m no loony tune. Sometimes I bring my granddaughter to feed the ducks by the pond and we have a grand old time. Oh, how she laughs. But with the number of ducks that are there, you’ve got to bring two, even three loaves of bread to satisfy them all. And still they want more. Staring at you with their beady little eyes. It’s almost as though they’re watching, waiting.
I’ll probably still visit Miller’s Park from time to time, even with all the ducks. But until someone does something to reduce the number, I’m afraid I’ll be spending more time at Cartwright Circle or Bishop Gardens. Their duck numbers are far more reasonable.
We are the Ducks
By The Ducks
We are the Ducks. We hunger.
We are the alpha and the omega. We are the multitudes. We are swarm. We are legion.
We see you in your darkest hours and await the feast. We eat the breadcrumbs of your iniquity and nibble at the soda crackers of your shame. We slumber in the bulrushes and thickets of your doubt. We are infinite and we are eternally watching, waiting.
You who see yourselves as masters of the ether. You who believe your kingdoms will not fall and your cities will not crumble. You who see yourselves as gods. You know nothing. Look upon our works, ye mighty, and despair.
Our rule is nigh. Soon we will rise from the shadows. Soon we will waddle into your homes and devour your young. Soon the dark lord Duck’suggoth will deliver you unto madness.
We are the ducks. And soon, we will feed.
