KELOWNA, BC – Locals are reporting that Kelowna man Gregory Campbell is so old, possibly the oldest man who has ever lived.
“God, look at this old man,” said local Kevin Andreas of Campbell, who turned 73 this year. “Just stop it with this old man.”
Residents of Kelowna report that Campbell spends most of his days strolling through the city’s parks and giving crumbs to birds, to witnesses complete disdain.
“Jesus, he must be a million years old,” said Kelly Jai of the man who was born a few years after the onset of World War 2. “Just die already.”
Campbell, who most doctors would describe as quite spry for his age, claims he has no idea why he draws so much ire from other residents of the city. “Oh, I don’t know anything about all that,” said Campbell, tenderly tearing a small piece off of a stale baguette. “I suppose folks’ll be folks.” “That. That’s what I’m talking about,” added Andreas. “I hate this old man.”
