TORONTO – Declaring that the city’s Drowzee scourge can no longer be tolerated, Toronto Mayor John Tory vowed that he would take swift, decisive action against the problem.
“We are aware of it and we’re doing our best to try and address it as quickly as we can,” said Tory in a press conference yesterday, referring to the distressing levels of Drowzees plaguing the downtown core of Toronto.
The city’s Drowzees – which appear every 2-5 minutes, or every 200 metres of walking – have been reported in staggering numbers in recent days.
“Honestly, they’re everywhere and it’s disgusting,” said Parkdale resident Scott Cecil.
“I woke up this morning and there was a Drowzee on my bed. There were several of them in the breakroom at lunch. I went back to a guy’s house last night – it too was full of Drowzees. It was a real mood killer.”
Other cities – including Vancouver, Montreal, Oslo, London, and New York – are experiencing similar drastic rises in Drowzee populations, with experts blaming the population spike on the rising heat caused by overloaded servers.
Mayor John Tory sympathizes with the public’s plight, and bemoaned the loss of the city’s Pokediversity.
“It is beyond frustrating how little Torontonians see Mankeys, Grimers, or even Growlithes. I’ve all but given up on my boyhood dream of catching an Alakazam.”
John Tory also noted that the Drowzee problem is extra annoying because every gym is, “full of garbage Hypnos, and like, basically nothing else.”
