NEW OTTAWA – The Conservative Party has made a bold step for gender neutrality by finally accepting the omission of “thy sons” from our national anthem, nearly seven decades from today.
“Even after humanity achieving interdimensional travel, eradicating the evil space mutant Chronos and overcoming our dependency on super-oil, we always felt that changing the national anthem was done too hastily,” said future Conservative party leader, Klaatu Everdeen.
“But seeing how our party has become more unpopular than the giant radioactive spiders of Manitoba, we thought it was time to acknowledge the revision.”
The anthem, which was translated into English in 1908, once had much more inclusive lyrics. “Originally it was, ‘thou dost in us’ command’ but was later changed during World War I to stir patriotic feelings and really stick it to the nation’s daughters,” explained future historian Professor Namu, the world’s first cybernetic dolphin.
“We’re currently making legislation that will impact all Canadians,” said future Prime Minister and openly synthetic humanoid, A113. “No matter how you identify, you are a part of this country, be you male, female, mefale, transgendered, ungendered, hexigendered, or robot.”
“It’s about time the Conservatives accepted this minor alteration,” remarked future leader of the opposition and recently unfrozen, Elizabeth May.
“We must focus on bigger issues like the ongoing war against the United Trumps of America”
Now that the gender neutral anthem is supported by all 112 future political parties in the Red Crystalline Temple of Democracy, many are demanding that the word, “God” also be removed from O Canada. Future Conservatives have already stated they will not support that move, citing God’s return to Earth riding a flaming chariot of pestilence and disease that brought about the end of days in 2017.
