WASHINGTON, D.C. – Beyoncé Knowles, known by her approximately 6 billion fans worldwide as Queen Bey, has reportedly declined Hillary Clinton’s offer to be her running mate.
“It was sweet of Hill to ask, but I think having to spend all that time in Washington would interfere with my touring schedule,” said Knowles adding that her favourite vegan restaurants and fur vendors were already in New York.
Political analysts have speculated for months that a Clinton-Knowles ticket would bump Hillary’s approval rating from the mid 50’s to well over 100% citing Knowles’ strong bipartisan support, and deep ability to court the literally everyone vote.
Huma Abedin, Clinton’s Chief-of-Staff, said Beyoncé was the campaign’s first choice for the ticket, especially considering Hillary listened to the song, ‘Run The World’ every morning as she selected that day’s pantsuit.”
Abedin elaborated on why she believes Beyoncé would have been the ideal candidate: “I mean, if the release of ‘Lemonade’ has taught us anything, it’s that Beyoncé knows how to take a negative and turn it into a positive. We are therefore confident she could have overhauled the American manufacturing sector within the first 100 days of office, probably just by dancing.”
When asked for comment, Angela Stone, a spokesperson for Beyoncé stated, “Who wants to be VP when you’re already Queen Bey? She cannot go from being queen of all that is awesome to being something as unimportant as the Vice-President of the United States of America. It would be confusing for her fans if she took that sort of step backward in her career.
Adds Stone, “Let’s face it, VP is a job for underachieving white guys, like Dan Quayle, Al Gore or George W. Bush. Beyoncé is a diva. ‘A diva is the female version of a hustla,’ and a hustla don’t settle for vice president.”
While the Beyoncé Camp has ruled out the possibility of her running for VP, they did hint she may consider running for President against Kanye West in 2020. According to Stone, “President is a job almost good enough for our Queen.”
At press time, Clinton was last seen trying to put a ring on Elizabeth Warren.
With files from Aaron Hagey-MacKay
