VANCOUVER – After years of collecting vinyl, Joel Young, a barista and amateur longboarder from Kitsilano, BC has finally purchased a record player.
“I love collecting records. The touch of the covers, the smell of the guy behind the counter. I never thought there could be a way to improve the experience of owning music” said Young. “Then I read a VICE article about solid state amplifiers and I got so excited I almost climaxed. ”
His enormous record collection includes a mono press of The Velvet Underground & Nico, Jonty Semper’s One Minute of Silence from the Funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales, and two copies of Christina Aguilera’s 5th studio album, Back to Basics, none of which he has ever heard.
“It’s my belief that you can’t talk about an album unless you own it on vinyl. How else can you discuss its liner notes, album art and overall roundness?”
Despite never having the basic equipment to play a single record, Young still sees himself as a true connoisseur. He encourages others who are interested in this type of pretension to seek out local record stores and talk to the person with the biggest beard, as they are undoubtedly the store manager.
“I spend hours talking to my guy, Skyler. He’s actually getting into wax cylinders. He tells me that you haven’t heard Eddie Cantor until you hear him coming out of a hand cranked gramophone.”
Young purchased the most expensive, therefore the best, player system he could find. Paying extra for extremely obscure and out-dated speakers.
“It’s all about hearing the bumps, skips and scratches. The fidelity will be so low that it will be perfect.”
However, as Young set up the machine and began playing his rare, original press of Abbey Road, he became quite confused.
“How do I set it to shuffle?”
