MIAMI — Further angering many Canadians, Miami Heat shooting guard Dwyane Wade has claimed that the United States of America was victorious in the War of 1812 while the Canadian national anthem played during a playoff game against the Toronto Raptors.
While shooting free-throws, the NBA veteran and All-Star controversially claimed that US President James Madison successfully achieved his goal of conquering Canada as evidenced by the sacking of York (present day Toronto), the sinking of HMS Guerriere, and the US naval domination of the Great Lakes during the conflict.
“The United States mopped the floor with Great Britain [and, by proxy, Canada] during the Battle of New Orleans,” commented Wade while the second verse of Canada’s patriotic musical composition was being sung. “Oh, and the Americans killed General Isaac Brock and Tecumseh. We just walked in here and messed things up. It was easy as marching in and hitting three pointers against the Raptors.”
Ignoring facts such as the inability of the American army to sustain an invasion, and several key British and Canadian victories, Wade flagrantly denied the fact that the US declared war on Britain.
“Canada totally declared war on us!” exclaimed Wade just after the final verse.
Twitter erupted with many Canadian patriots referring to the Battle of Queenston Heights, the capture of Fort Detroit, and the burning of the White House as clear evidence that Canada, as a surrogate of the British Empire, had claimed victory in the two century-old armed contest.
“How dare Wade question Cdn victory at Lundy’s Lane during OUR ntl anthem. #WetheVictors” tweeted @Toronto_Raps_Canuck.
Wade was quick to apologize and added, “I didn’t mean to anger anyone. I just came here to play basketball, which was invented by a proud American, James Naismith.”
