OTTAWA – Earlier today, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reaffirmed his support for feminism, and for making billions of dollars in the sales of military supplies to despotic regimes, in an hour-long press conference punctuated by repeated cheers and applause.
“I am going to keep saying loud and clear that I AM a feminist,” Trudeau declared. “And that I AM going to keep selling weapons to an oppressive regime that imposes travel and employment bans on women, until both statements are met with a shrug!”
Trudeau confirmed that the Liberal Party’s gender-balanced cabinet discussed the deal and are in full support of ensuring the continuation of the deal with the patriarchal House of Saud. For its part, Saudi Arabia is excited about the deal.
“Really any military equipment is just so helpful,” gushed Saudi Arabia’s defence minister Mohammad bin Salman Al Saud. “We’ll now be much more efficient in our policing of the Shi’a minority. Mass arrests and public execution of political dissidents will be a breeze with the new LAVs.”
After receiving a whispered message from one of his aides, he added, “I mean, not those things. Just ISIS. All the Canadian stuff is just for fighting ISIS.”
Trudeau continued to expound on the importance of protecting human rights: “I continue to hear politicians say they want to act on things like feminism, but that ‘it’s hard’ or ‘the timing isn’t right’. We must challenge this. It’s the same with selling weapons. It’s always ‘Oh, you’re helping sustain a government that mistreats foreign workers, and has a persistent record of seriously violating the basic rights of its own citizens.”
“You know, we have to challenge that, too. It’s a lot easier, though, right? Because we can buy so many cool things.”
Trudeau ended the press conference by aiming an LAV’s anti-tank missile gun at a large sign that read THE PATRIARCHY, and blowing the sign to smithereens.
