TORONTO – Ontario attorney general Madeline Meilleur, who earlier this week told reporters she would not release the secret report explaining why Ontario’s police watchdog cleared a Toronto police officer in the shooting death of Andrew Loku, has now promised to publish the document in its entirety “the second the Toronto Police Service finishes rewriting it.”
Meilleur was quick to point out that the cops would not be changing any facts or details from the Special Investgation Unit’s report, which she concedes “would be unethical.” Rather, the police are “taking a quick pass” to add crucial information missing from the SIU’s original document, which “consisted of little more than a crude note scribbled in Sharpie across the cover of an old, blood-soaked phone book that had clearly just been used to bludgeon something, or someone, repeatedly.”
Meilleur added that her office initially reached out to the SIU investigators responsible for the original report, but neither have been seen or heard from since they submitted the gory document to her office, anonymously, in the middle of the night.
“If I’m being honest, they’re probably dead,” mused the attorney general. “Of embarrassment. That’s how amateurish their report was.”
Meilleur shrugged off any concerns of a conflict of interest, noting that the Toronto Police Service has nothing to gain from doctoring the report exonerating them of criminal wrongdoing, a claim that seemed to cause the tiny red dots hovering around her head and chest to suddenly vanish.
